Monday, 1 August 2016
This whirling inside of me
The emotions that flood me are swinging like a pendulum from some giants hand. The tumbling rush of endorphins makes me dizzy, hardly daring to take a step towards any one thought or conclusion. Inside the whirling questions that beg an answer beating me for what they pray I have. But they are mistaken, I don't hold the key, I'm merely a spectator in this coliseum spectacle, hoping to make it out alive. I don't have the answers or the reasons, I've lost the logic that I thought I once had and maturity is thrown to the wind. Behind me screams a thousand what ifs and what could be and ahead lies one road. Traveled by many who have gone before, egging me to follow in their footsteps. Dare I step out into the new, the cold, the shrouded place of mystery and unknown that mankind wishes for but never holds? I don't know. I'm trying my best to believe that there is something bigger than me at play here. That my daily thoughts and desires are maybe, just maybe in the hands of someone much bigger than I. That the feelings I have just might be from someone who knows me better than I do. I'm lost in this sea of emptiness, looking for a way above the waves. Hoping for a path to higher ground, but not sure of the way. Take me to a place of consolation, where all worries vanish like the darkness of the night to dawns early rays. Bring me out of this pit of wondering into the resting place of steadying.