Sometimes I wish I’d never taken this job. “I wish none of this had happened.” “So do all who come to see such times as this. But that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given you.” This conversation between Frodo and Gandalf comes to mind when I think about it. And it’s so true. But I still somehow wish I’d taken the other path. Instead of I sacrificed family for what? For learning, for ‘growing up’? Is it, was it worth it? Maybe. It has to happen sometimes people say, so it may as well of happened now. But what’s the use in thinking back on it. I can’t change the past...and yet sometimes, it hurts me to think of what I could’ve done. Spending the rest of the summer with my family, instead of here, working on a farm. I can’t change it now. But that’s life isn’t it? Full of doubts as to what you should do, and once you’ve decided, you can’t help but remenese about the choice you made.
Is growing up really worth it? What is growing up? Is it going away from your family and causing the pain of sorrow in missing eachother? Is that what it is? Or is it different for everyone? Could it be just in the maturing of one’s soul, while staying around family? Surely, for many a person has done this. It doesn’t have to cause pain, does it? And yet, so often. Like the Breaking of the Fellowship. Things will split us into different paths, different ways. We cannot always remain as one. The only thought that encourages us it that this is all for a purpose, and that in the end, it will be beautiful and even better. But it’s hard right now, isn’t it? To see through the blinding tears of sadness, a better place, a better home. Where all things are right and whole. Where no more tears or weeping will occur, where the God of all will dwell among us, listen to us, talk with us, laugh with us, be our All in All. Yes, there comes a day, much better than we can imagine. A day when all will be reunited in a new heavens and a new earth, and that is the hope. The hope that gets us through a hard day, through a hard trial. When everything around you seems to be chaos we can think of that day and remember, there is one who paid the price, that instead of eternal hell, we will live in eternal glory. And so I close with another quote.
“It is a far far better thing I do, then I have ever done. And it is a far far better rest I go to then I have ever known.”