So loved

Imagine yourself in another world, the god of that world creates an earth, with all of it’s creation and puts human kind on the earth. This god walks with the first two humans until one day they disobey him and he withdraws his direct presence from the earth. They multiply and continue to live. How long do you think it would be before the humans believed in someone bigger than them creating the whole world they live in? Frankly it only makes sense to believe in someone bigger than you creating everything. But wouldn’t it be so like us humans to be arrogant, to be proud, to be so conceited of our selves that we would make up anything other than what we know to be the truth? That is so us, to create a myth, to create stories, to cover up the real thing. Deep down we know there is a God, the creator of all this, it only makes sense when we take a look around. This doesn’t happen by chance, there is a God, and he created you and me. And if he created you and me, than he wants a personal and intimate relationship with us. 

John 3:16 reads “For God so loved the word.” We don’t have to go farther than that, but just stop and see, God so loved us. He didn’t have to put that in his word, but he did. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son. He sent his Son not to condemn this world, but save it. God LOVES you! God sent his Son to die for YOU! Jesus was sent here, not to condemn you, but save you! How great a God we serve!

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My Bro

Things I admire or like about Josiah. (I hope I don’t embarrass him too much, but after a visit I had to write down and put down thoughts I had in my head.)

His ability to compliment or say confirming words, even if he doesn’t quite mean it. His ability to strike up a conversation, which usually starts with some of the casual mundane things which I often don’t like to do. He has an ability to hide most of his feeling about someone he doesn’t like when talking to them, which I admire. 

The energy he brings to the house is always amazing to me. Things like jumping in a starting work on a project or chores, but then slips away. He has a very cool capability to get others to do work for him, and that only comes from jumping in and starting, so you have to be willing to start. And I guess in a sense that is a lot of his personality, starting something new, being willing to jump in. Another way you can feel his energy is the way he carries himself and is in a sense willing to make a mistake. He thumps down the stairs when he comes down and shouts something hilarious, some quote or a question about why we’re not having fun, or enough fun. He is loud, which is something that isn’t natural to me unless I’m around a lot of really close friends or family and we’re playing something, or I’m psyched on coffee. :)  When he is playing a game, especially a competitive game he can be somewhat manipulative. Which makes him very fun to watch and play with. If you can be on his side it’s a blast! He is willing to do a lot for a laugh, and when he does something funny I can’t help but laugh at him. 

Another thing I really like about him is how he in one sense is so uncaring about his looks. He said everyone at Lampeter says he has the worst style ever. But he’s willing for them to think that. He doesn’t work out, but that is just another thing about him. In one sense he has such pride, and in another sense he has the worst style, doesn’t work out, he’s not super buff. He is an amazing dude. He doesn’t like skinny women, he’s the kind of guy real girls will like. They’re not going to like him because he looks really sexy and has forearms the size of my thigh, they’re going to love him because he is willing to be the ‘odd one’ in a room of others. He’s not letting working out or style get in the way of other important things, like God. This makes him so amazing to me, so humbling, and so, unique, you don’t often find this in a guy, and when you’re related to him? Yeah, beast!

I love talking with him, especially at 2am in the morning about theology and other stuff. He has been away and has the ability to form his own ideas and opinions on it. He’s seen both sides. He loves theology, but also is willing to be on fire for Jesus and show some emotion in worship. One of my favourite things was hearing him pray. His spontaneous ability in prayer, his realness, his relationship that he has with God is so moving. He is definitely going to be a good President for the Christian Union this year. I can’t wait to see all the ways God will use him. He is such a cool guy.

I love his choice of music and ability to play what is most often wanted or wished for, even without telling him. He plays emotional music when things are emotional, but will often change it because he’s “about to throw up” and plays something hilarious. He finds the funniest videos on youtube and it’s so fun to watch them with him. 

And to end I’ll quote from an interview about Les Mis, said by Russell Crowe about Hugh Jackman, but one that we’ve quoted to each other and could potentially be applied to Josiah. “He’s like this triple threat, you know? This singin’, actin’, dancin’ dude, you know?”

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Weep?

What is it about crying that makes the human ashamed of it? Is it the fact that you are showing one side of your emotions (laughter is emotion too)? Is it the fact that homo sapiens are the only species that cry tears of emotion?

I believe something is happening when you cry, when you weep. You release part of your emotion into the tears. It is a way of relieving stress, letting go of something inside us. 

After the parting of my cousins and then my brother, whom I will not see for at least a year and a half, it was so hard not to burst into tears every time I thought about it, or listened to a song, or reflected on the awesome time we’d had. I then came home and took an ipod with me into the woods. I wanted a place to be alone and just cried for about half an hour. And it really was like releasing the emotions inside. After that I wasn’t nearly as close to crying every other second, I wasn’t about to fall over and pass out because of the intense pain and holding of breath with the realization of the situation at hand. It was letting it out, instead of holding the sadness of parting inside I let it fall, gave it to God. 

It’s kind of like a journey. After you’ve wept it is like coming out of the valley, and until you cry you are still held in the grasp of intense emotion. It doesn’t usually make me more vulnerable to crying, but less because I’ve let it out. 

And so to end this post I will quote from an amazing book that expresses such deep emotion. 

“I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.” -Gandalf

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Good byes

Is the sadness worth it? I guess when it hurts, hurts so much you can’t even sleep after running on less than 5 hours of sleep over the past week , it means that you really love someone. When you spend the week talking, singing, dancing, praying, way late into the night, every night, and get up too early for the amount of sleep you got, that is love. But is the pain worth it? When the parting comes, when the time is up, when it’s time to say good bye. Of course it is. The pain, the heart ache, it is not out of sin that it comes, but rather out of the bond of love. The friendship, the laughter, the tears, the bond of love between you. And when it’s time to say good bye, time to separate yourself for a time, it is sadness that we cannot go on in what we are doing. We cannot go on in the fun we are having, in the community that we are experiencing, in the building up of one another in the talking with each other. It’s the fact that we are parted that makes our hearts sad, not a hurt, but a longing for more. 

And it’s depressing to look on and see how long it is before we may see each other again, but you can’t do that. Not only anyway. You have to look back and see the times you had, remember, cherish what you did. How can you enjoy the moment when someone you very much wish is not there, or you are parted from friends? Well it’s hard, very hard. I don’t have the answers to this life. 

There are two things that I see in life that most make me wish for heaven. The one is to see the brokenness, the hurt, the pain of this world, and the other is to experience the love and joy and beauty of this world. That the joy might go on forever, that we could enjoy one another’s company over and over. Talking, laughing, singing, that is heaven, that is what makes me wish for it. To be with Jesus and the saints. To be forever in peace, to be away from this hurt and pain of this world. So I’m wishing for heaven, that the day will come when we will be as one body, in unity, in love and friendship. Getting to spend eternity in a place where no tear of sadness will be shed, when we can talk with friends, laugh over jokes, look at the beauty of it all. 

Until that day what should we do? So often I come out of a ‘family reunion’ and the only thing I want to do is evangelize and love others. To spend the rest of my life in the only thing that seems worth it, sharing what God has given me. The gift of love, Jesus. I don’t know where I would be without my family. It is so amazing to have my extended family brothers and sisters in Christ. That when we get together we feel exactly the same about God, that we can talk about him and that we both will spend eternity together. Build one another up in love, form stronger friendships. I think this has been the best Christmas yet. It was so good to have Josiah home, well worth it, I would’ve paid the full ticket if I had had the cash. The games we played, films we watched and then opening Christmas presents on Christmas day. Josiah adds an energy that is hard to replicate and makes you want to be around him. It was even better when cousins from both sides came and the fun we had. Playing games, Mafia, Dictionary game, one on one conversations with each other, eating, staying up late. The whole week I never went to bed before 12am, most of the time closer to 2am. Then getting up between 7-8:30am every day. It’s no wonder I feel emotional right now, no sleep, tons of coffee, and farewells? Hallelujah!

My New Year’s resolution is to love more in ways both physical and words. After watching Father of Lights it inspired me to love people even more, both Christian brethren and sinners who are lost and are so deep in sin. Count it all joy! So live, love, and wonder!

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Dawn

What is it about the early morning, dawn. That holy hour, between darkness and light. A blending of colors on the horizon. The potential for anything during that hour. The quiet, the stillness of it. What draws me to it? Before the sun has shown himself and said how the day will go, before everything has happened, there is so much that can. The potential for the morning starts with dawn. 

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It's a dangerous business, Frodo

Is it a sin to break social norms? To go against the flow. To wear sneakers with a tee and blazer? To act yourself around the President, not putting your shoulders back, not acting more than you are. But is that who we are? Or do we become more than we are? Do we, by putting on a show, become that show? The show becomes us? Do we hide behind money, does it bring the best of us? If we had nothing, who would we really be? Would we be the same without it? Do we put on a mask, only to reveal what really lies behind it? How far do we go? What is this life? We humble homo sapiens, created in the image of God, made from dust, six thousand years ago. From the simple life of a garden, to a society and social norms that would blow away the common man of three thousand years ago. 

How do you be yourself, be honest, and yet continue to grow? To change? How can you keep being who you are, when you yourself are changing? When what you use to believe, is no longer what you believe in. What you use to do you no longer do. How do you be yourself when you don’t even know who you are? 

Is there a change, and how does it happen? From boy to man, girl to woman, child to adult. Where does it happen, and how and why? Can we keep a part of who we are? Can we keep a bit of who we were and be who we are?

You know, maybe those people who start the trends, who start the new fashions, who go on to be something or someone great, maybe those were the ones who didn’t care what others thought about them. They let it all fall beside them, it didn’t get in the way, they were honest. They did what they did because that was who they were. And you know, it caught on, someone else saw it and said “I want to be like that too, I like that about that person.”. Is that how fashions happen? Is that how sayings come to be? Is it those few, brave souls that are willing to be embarrassed, willing to put themselves at risk to be who they are? 

How does one live in the age of today, how does one grow up, yet keep himself? Too often I’ve seen the child become adult, and that person loose everything I held dear to that person. Humor, creativity, adventure, a sense of fun. And maybe that’s not the most important thing to keep, maybe Jesus is. But I still find it hard for me to see that and want to be that person. I love the child, the little kid who’s innocence is so pure you can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at you. How honest children are, saying it like it is, acting the way they feel, not trying to cover the truth. And maybe there are times when the truth should be masked because the truth is too painful, but I think too often we’re just afraid. Afraid for ourselves, we’re afraid to loose ourselves, become the odd one in the group. 

But if you can loose that, if you can keep your sense of humor, creativity, sense of adventure and fun. Love like a child, talk and act truthfully, that’s what I want to be. I want to be that person who hasn’t lost his love of fun, jokes, adventure, is still willing to throw a little caution to the side and jump in. Is still willing to lose a little sleep and play a game. To stay up late talking into the night. And maybe I will change, but I can’t see it yet. I want to be who I am now, in five years. 

“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

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Wishing For Heaven

Why are we here on this earth? Why should we live? Should we pray for safety, blessings, prosperity? Should we take every chance we get to live on the edge, every moment a moment from death? These are questions that fill my mind, that go around in my head. Surely there is a balance to this life, a balance between wishing for heaven and thanking God for the life we’re living here. What purpose do we have here on earth? It seems to me that the reason we are here is because we can choose to be saved, deciding to go to heaven or hell, ultimately defining our eternity. Are we to enjoy our life here? Should we take our life? End our life here on earth so we can spend more of it with God in a perfect place away from all this hellish misery? Surely there is a reason for our longing to stay here on earth. Our natural fear of leaving all that is familiar?

What makes us wish for heaven? For me it is seeing all the sin in this world, seeing the hopelessness of mankind. How selfish the world is, how greed and power and money are the only thing we think life is worth living for. That you can buy happiness with money. That if you get the right job, the right girl friend, the perfect house, that your life will be fulfilled. That we  ignore the pain, and suffering that goes on, and just look how we can make ourselves happy. It is the mask we put up. When I read on the news that a gunman shot 20 children under the age of 7yrs old. When I see how corrupt companies are. When I see the world around me crashing down in it’s own greed. When someone cannot look any farther than their own feet. When I see the division in the church, how far some people go in what they think is right. The pride that Christians have. I just want to get to heaven, when we will have no conflict, everything made right. This is when I pray, Lord quickly come. Do not wait, your children need you. Bring justice for your children are dying, they need you now. Bring me heaven, give me perfect peace, bring me from this suffering into your perfect arms. When this world seems to pass away, and all you see is Jesus. Imagine a perfect world, with Jesus, spending eternity with the Creator of everything, seeing His creation taken to a new level of perfection, getting to know Him better. 

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The next 100 gifts

1. Flute, playing it brings much joy
2. Playing music with other people
3. Moss covered logs
4. Crows crowing in mass
5. Chirping birds
6. Flowing creeks
7. Holly bushes
8. Soil
9. Falling Leaves
10. Bouncing logs
11. Flash lights
12. Safety at night
13. Hot showers
14. A Praying Life (David Powlson)
15. Darkness
16. Window seats
17. Rain
18. Pilows
19. Cedar wood
20. Clocks
21. Naps
22. Grace, to keep going when it’s tough
23. Mrs Berger, whom I’ve learned so much through. It is a joy to do MT again this year.
24. Baskets
25. Light bulbs
26. Cheese
27. Tuesday night watching film w/ the fam
28. Talking with God in my pickup
29. Hair bands
30. Sunglasses
31. Bocce Ball
32. Late night games with friends
33. Small group
34. Hymn sings
35. Drumming
36. Watching funny videos
37. Camping
38. Camp fires
39. Hikes
40. Trail walks through nature
41. Waterfalls
42. The way God answers prayer
43. How faithful God is
44. Each new day
45. Dutch Blitz
46. Email
47. Letters
48. Kimchi
49. Poems
50. Poetry
51. Daily Bible Reading
52. Socks
53. Shoes
54. Fresh air
55. Old bottles
56. Fragrance, a sense of smell
57. Trampoline
58. Tall pine trees
59. Wood working tools
60. My cooking skills
61. Musical Theater
62. Cloudy days
63. A good book
64. Listening to the rain fall
65. Visits from relatives
66. Warm days in winter
67. Funny quotes
68. The example David is in the Bible
69. Deer
70. Wildlife
71. Grass
72. OCean
73. Boats
74. Sheep
75. A warm and dry house after a cold and wet time out all day
76. Screws
77. Windows that open
78. Heat
79. Pain, we feel it for a reason, 
80. The breeze
81. Seashells
82. Rocks in a jar
83. Parties
84. Grooveshark
85. C.S. Lewis
86. Siblings
87. Moccasins 
88. Kombucha
89. Chicken soup
90. Greenhouse
91. My time working at Rocklands Farm
92. My birthday, the same as Matthew Sganga and Taylor Swift : )
93. A clean house
94. Fridge, a remarkable invention
95. Beanie, keeps me warm and the hair out of my eyes
96. The afternoon
97. Blogs
98. Christmas
99. God’s unfailing love
100. One Thing Remains, Jesus Culture

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What if we lived a life of Prayer?

What would happen if every other breath you breathed you were breathing out a prayer? What if we were asking God in every situation? What if you could relate with Paul when he talks about prayer without ceasing? What if you were asking God one minute and the next were thanking Him for answering your prayer? Because that will happen. The more you pray, the more your prayers will be answered. What if instead of yelling at that person you prayed for them? What if the next time you were about to go to a party you asked God not to let you lust or be jealous at anyone there? Before asking your children to do something you asked God to give them willing hearts. Before you reprimanded them you prayed that God would give you words of wisdom, speak to them, change them, change you? Because, really, it’s not up to you, it’s up to God. So why not take the burden off you and ask God? God truly loves it when we ask Him for things. What if the next time you were tempted to judge someone walking down the hallway, maybe fat, maybe covered in tattoos, what if instead of judging them you prayed for them? “God, help them to lose weight.” “God, help that person into a relationship with you.” Love does not assume, don’t assume, pray, don’t assume the worst of someone, you don’t know what storm God is putting them through. Can you even comprehend what your life could look like if God was right there, beside you in every moment of the day? You drop a pin in the carpet, and knowing God is right there you ask Him, “Father, please show me where it is.” How can a Father refuse His children? God Himself promises in His word, if we ask in His name, anything is possible. If it be His will he will do it, so next time ask, pray before that meeting, next time you’re about to open your mouth to yell at someone, pray for them instead. What if we lived a life of prayer?

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This Past Year

I sit back on the couch, a steaming cup of joe in hand, reflecting on the past year. I didn’t know you could grow so much in just one year. It doesn’t seem to be very long, it’s gone by so fast, but on the other hand, I packed in a lot of stuff into my year. It seems the older I get, the busier I am. Isn’t there a part of us that longs for the quiet life, in the country, away from society, waking up in the morning to the sound of birds, cows in the pasture, and a day ahead of you, stress free, doing farm chores and garden work. Sit on your front porch rocking chair, coffee in hand, and take in the beauty. Don’t we all want that at some point? Don’t we all long for the easy life, one of prosperity, relative wealth, and relaxation. But that’s not what the christian life is, necessarily. God calls us to a life of hardship, take up our cross and follow him, go through pain, suffering and trials. The Christian life is not an easy one, it is one that will involve sacrifice, suffering and loss. For through these things you will experience and grow closer to God than you could have ever done living the good life. True, some of us will get an easier life, enjoying more of God’s material blessings, while others will live and die in poverty. I am no man’s judge, I will not say that one man is better than another, who knows what calling God has called you to, it is not for me to decide. We are to enjoy God’s blessings, not cast them away, they are a taste of heaven. The quiet life I described to you? That is a taste of heaven. The wonderful material blessings you receive? Those are a taste of heaven. The sweet fellowship with the saints? That is a taste of heaven. It is hard to see God’s plan for us, this side of heaven. We don’t know exactly what He’s doing with us. But He is a good God, and a righteous God. One who will love His children, and care for them, hold our hand when we walk through storms and valleys. ‘And if our God is with us, then who can stand against us?’ to quote a song that comes to mind. So I look back over the year, and see God working in me through everything, bringing me closer to Him, showing me more of Him, and showing me more of myself.

January, twenty twelve. The most prominent thing that comes to mind when I think back on that month was Musical Theater rehearsals. We had lots of those, and I have many fond memories of it. I was a senior, and it was my last semester. 

February. Our Musical Theater production happened the second week of February, and when it was done and over, I was sad. It was my last time, and first time to do Musical Theater; although I’ve done Drama and Improv classes and such since I was 10. 

March. The weather was quite mild, as it had been all winter. I was planning for a trip to Ireland with two of my siblings, my cousin, a friend, and my Uncle. The trip began the third week of March, flying over into Dublin. I had an amazing time, getting know everyone on the trip just a little bit better, cooking, sight seeing, playing games, watching films, shopping, drinking in pubs. It was an awesome trip, the second time I’d been out of the USA. It ended the second week of April.

April came in mild, but we ended up getting a late frost, which damaged about 90% of North Carolina apple production, meaning prices were up for the year. April was a fun month, I did a small garden, and work at the Stone Table Restaurant was quite fun.

May came, a busy month for us. I was trying to finish up school, and we had our Choir Concert in May. My last concert, I was quite sad when it was over. I went to Covenant College and saw my oldest brother graduate. I had a music night at the Stone Table, raising money for our Peru Mission Trip, and coincidentally marked the last day for the Stone Table Restaurant. It was sad, not seeing Matthew Sganga (restaurant owner and chef) every day, making jokes, learning more tips in the kitchen, break dancing, you’d be hard pressed to ask for a better boss!

June. The first week of June I went to the Biblical Worldview Student Conference. My third year going. My brother Josiah came back from a year over seas studying at Lampeter in Wales, bringing a friend. It was a great reunion. The end of June was our Peru Trip. It was wonderful seeing God work through us their, not only seeing change in them, but change in us. You have to go on a Mission Trip with the mindset of you being changed as much or more than the people you’re ministering to.

July. When we weren’t playing games day and night we were enjoying the summer air. July 7 was my graduation and my going away party. It was great to have my Matthew Sganga give me a charge, and have so much fun with all my friends. A week later I drove to Maryland to begin an adventure, farm life. Life at Rocklands Farm was new, and the first week was learning how to do chores, where everything was, how to do things, all fun, not missing my family much. After one week my family picked me up and we spent a week of vacation in Maine, with my moms family, we had an amazing time with cousins! 

August. I came back and spent another three weeks working, before coming back for one more week of vacation in GA with my other cousins. By about week 5-6 I was quite homesick. Mostly it was knowing that my brother was home for the summer, and that he would leave to go back to Wales before I got back. My family is everything to me, growing up in a family of nine kids, someone is always doing something at some point. I’ve come to enjoy that, crave that. It is so much fun to be able to play almost any game almost any time because you always have someone to play it with. Cooking is fun because it is for 11 people. At the farm it was very different. I had my own room in the barn where I slept, but I don’t like being alone, not because I’m scared, I just prefer to be living with other people, so I much preferred with any time I had to hang out at the house where Joel and Megan hung out and Greg and Anna lived. I learned what it is like to live away from your family, being the first time in my life I’d been away for more than a couple weeks. I drew closer to God through my time being away. I learned a lot about myself, who I was. What I am without my family, you learn to find another side to you, or else to step forward and continue who you are. 

September. I still had 5 weeks to go, though I managed a weekend trip down to my family the weekend before my brother left for Wales. It was packed with fun and no sleep, and a memory I cherish. I came back and had renewed vigour, especially with the weather turning cooler. It’s hard to do anything outside when it’s upper 90Fs. At the end of September my cousin came up to the farm and was a great asset to the farm as well as me. I was much more motivated to work, and we had many good talks and lots of time together. 

October. I finished my time at the farm, and at the end, I was sad to leave. The farm had finally become another home to me, the garden, the animals, the daily chores of milking the goats and feeding chickens, the kitchen, the couch. But I was glad to be back as well, and managed to squeeze in some plants before too late in my own garden.

November. I spent my time at home doing a lot of cooking and cleaning, and some chaperoning of my younger siblings. I worked with my dad and got a coffee CSA going, further moving sales in my coffee business. We had an amazing Thanksgiving with family in GA. A true taste of heaven. I also got the lead male role in the Musical Theater production. The lead was taken out and I was the only choice for the director. So now I am in Little Women. I am having an absolute blast, learning lines, songs, and dancing. It still amazes me that I would get the lead male role, still hard to fathom some times. We serve an awesome God! Our production will be in February again.

December. Well, I can’t tell you what has happened, but I can tell you my plans. Josiah comes back for Christmas break on the 11th, and will be here till the 2nd of January. Seth, my cousin and maybe some of his siblings will fly here as well, on the 14th of December for a few days. It will be a blast, late nights, games, talks, we will make some great memories! Christmas will be just our family, somewhat quiet. I’ll do a turkey, one that I got from the farm I worked at, which will be fun. We will also see Les Mis, a film we are all waiting to see with great anticipation!

I’m trying not to think too far in the future, because I get sad or depressed. I’m trying to take one step at a time. I’ve grown so much closer to God in the past year, it is amazing. I’m trying to enjoy the moment you’re in, because they don’t last forever. I know I serve a God who will do exactly what is best for me, so I’m trusting Him, though, I still find it hard at time to be fully convinced of His goodness. I’m not perfect, but I try to be honest, with myself, and God. I am trying to read more books, and write more too. I’ve started my list of 1000 gifts, things I’m thankful for. I started yesterday and I’m up to 74. I started reading A Praying Life, and find it so good. I am planning to read more of C.S. Lewis and some John Piper, as well as my tradition of LotR at Christmas time. When all is said and done, it’s time to keep on keeping on, a new year comes our way.

English Vintner