Good byes

Is the sadness worth it? I guess when it hurts, hurts so much you can’t even sleep after running on less than 5 hours of sleep over the past week , it means that you really love someone. When you spend the week talking, singing, dancing, praying, way late into the night, every night, and get up too early for the amount of sleep you got, that is love. But is the pain worth it? When the parting comes, when the time is up, when it’s time to say good bye. Of course it is. The pain, the heart ache, it is not out of sin that it comes, but rather out of the bond of love. The friendship, the laughter, the tears, the bond of love between you. And when it’s time to say good bye, time to separate yourself for a time, it is sadness that we cannot go on in what we are doing. We cannot go on in the fun we are having, in the community that we are experiencing, in the building up of one another in the talking with each other. It’s the fact that we are parted that makes our hearts sad, not a hurt, but a longing for more. 

And it’s depressing to look on and see how long it is before we may see each other again, but you can’t do that. Not only anyway. You have to look back and see the times you had, remember, cherish what you did. How can you enjoy the moment when someone you very much wish is not there, or you are parted from friends? Well it’s hard, very hard. I don’t have the answers to this life. 

There are two things that I see in life that most make me wish for heaven. The one is to see the brokenness, the hurt, the pain of this world, and the other is to experience the love and joy and beauty of this world. That the joy might go on forever, that we could enjoy one another’s company over and over. Talking, laughing, singing, that is heaven, that is what makes me wish for it. To be with Jesus and the saints. To be forever in peace, to be away from this hurt and pain of this world. So I’m wishing for heaven, that the day will come when we will be as one body, in unity, in love and friendship. Getting to spend eternity in a place where no tear of sadness will be shed, when we can talk with friends, laugh over jokes, look at the beauty of it all. 

Until that day what should we do? So often I come out of a ‘family reunion’ and the only thing I want to do is evangelize and love others. To spend the rest of my life in the only thing that seems worth it, sharing what God has given me. The gift of love, Jesus. I don’t know where I would be without my family. It is so amazing to have my extended family brothers and sisters in Christ. That when we get together we feel exactly the same about God, that we can talk about him and that we both will spend eternity together. Build one another up in love, form stronger friendships. I think this has been the best Christmas yet. It was so good to have Josiah home, well worth it, I would’ve paid the full ticket if I had had the cash. The games we played, films we watched and then opening Christmas presents on Christmas day. Josiah adds an energy that is hard to replicate and makes you want to be around him. It was even better when cousins from both sides came and the fun we had. Playing games, Mafia, Dictionary game, one on one conversations with each other, eating, staying up late. The whole week I never went to bed before 12am, most of the time closer to 2am. Then getting up between 7-8:30am every day. It’s no wonder I feel emotional right now, no sleep, tons of coffee, and farewells? Hallelujah!

My New Year’s resolution is to love more in ways both physical and words. After watching Father of Lights it inspired me to love people even more, both Christian brethren and sinners who are lost and are so deep in sin. Count it all joy! So live, love, and wonder!

English Vintner