life here

I never feel adequate for the situation, not really.

I find myself in leadership positions, and I never feel like I actually should be here, but here I am, and I end up doing a good job of it. I find myself in evangelism teams, with people who are more quiet than I am, not as much energy, and I'm forced to be the leader in those situations, and so I end up being the leader. But, I don't crave that persa, I wouldn't automatically choose to be the leader of the group, because I like to see someone else do it, see how they do things, learn from them.

Jesus is showing me how to be interactive, how to strike up a conversation, and turn it to tough questions, asking things like "Where would you find yourself if you died, and why?". It's been fun to see myself grow in these areas, prolong conversations with people, connect with people, sit down, pray with people I met 3 minutes ago. God is doing amazing things in my life and I hope to continue them when I'm done serving here for the summer.

I'm already thinking of new opportunities to serve, and serve better in the ways I was already serving. I want to be more focussed on evangelism, reaching the ones that are lost. I want to be able to just go up and start talking with someone, make friends with strangers. I want to care less about myself and let my fear of man be lost. To not care what someone else things about what I'm doing, but to think about their eternal salvation. Someone has said before, the only thing we can't do in heaven is proclaim the Gospel to the lost, and so that's what his goal here on earth was; to reach the lost. And I think that's a pretty good perspective to live by. I want to throw my life at the feet of Jesus. I want to mirror God's love for me to the people around me. I want to be ready, spontaineous. When Jesus calls me to be a 'fisher of me' I want to follow. Not my will, but Your will be done.

I'm trying to learn more musical stuff here too. I'm learning to play the drums much better, and I'm trying to learn the guitar and ukelele, and maybe some piano. I want to make the most of the environment I'm surrounded by.


English Vintner